Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
You've been married three times and still have the same 
in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a 
different night.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy 
Queen.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and 
mother-in-law.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room 
and nobody
noticed.
You can get dog hair from your belly button.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth 
than your wife.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
You consider your license plate personalized because your 
dad made it in
prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an 
overpass.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the 
bathtub.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your 
head.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws 
to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your 
house.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to 
make it look nice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. This is a 
fantastic
entertaining story